Tapotement by Carlie Pike

Author:Carlie Pike [Pike, Carlie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: anonymous
Published: 2023-11-02T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 12

I tossed and turned for hours last night, begging my brain to shut off and sleep. I also spent a good amount of time crying. I thought for sure I would exhaust myself and pass out. I was wrong though. I kept thinking about Reed. After we said our goodbyes yesterday, I lay in bed, replaying it in my head over and over again. It just sucked so much ass. I did not want to unwrap my arms from around him, I did not want him to stop kissing me, and I most definitely did not want him to leave me. I did a great job faking a brave smile for him—at least I think I did. I don’t know though. He’s pretty good at figuring me out. He was in high spirits, but maybe he’s just a good actor too.

I instantly felt a heaviness in my chest as I locked my doors and was left completely alone. There are several aspects to our relationship that I haven’t typically shared with a man, distance being one of them, and I don’t mean that metaphorically. I mean I straight up have never been forced to be away from the one I care about. It’s exceptionally irksome. If I want a future with him, I need to toughen up. It’s not practical to stay in bed, crying and heartbroken, until he returns. Believe me, I know that’s not healthy. I got my period, as I expected. I have a hard time getting my emotions in check when extra hormones are pumping throughout my body.

I wish I knew what he was doing. If I knew, then maybe it would make me feel better. However, maybe it would make things worse. I spent hours making up scenarios. What the hell is he actually doing? Is he killing people? Kicking ass and taking names? Is he protecting someone? He said he’s not the bad guy, so I truly believe he’s not committing vicious acts. Regardless, I’m pretty sure, whatever it is, I’m not going to like it, and I need to accept that or shut up about it.

My energy should be more focused on how to get him to stop. Something tells me it’s not as simple as putting in a two weeks’ notice like a regular person, but there’s got to be a way for him to get out of it…right? If he even wants to—it’s a whole new ball game if he doesn’t. After thinking it all through, I finally came to my senses and realized that, even though my concerns are legitimate, I can’t solve them without Reed, and since he chose to leave, I’m going to choose what’s best for me. I’m shelving the issue until he comes home, and then we can move forward.

I was able to get a couple hours of sleep; not enough, though, so here I am at Body Mechanics, yawning, trying to shake the exhaustion by sipping coffee. Mandy and Robin should be here any second.

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